Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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