hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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