My pussy is not your playground.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
