you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
