would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize