Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
wow bdsm is so cute
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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