im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
