Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
