My first STD was from a foam party
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
