So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
