have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
