i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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