she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you inspire me to be a worse person
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
