Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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