By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
