We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
