PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
