i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i just sent this text using only my big toe
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
