Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
