im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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