please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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