There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
