Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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