We're facebook friends in real life
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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