I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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