He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
