You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
