just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it was like having sex with a tree stump
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
don't judge my taste in strippers
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
