I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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