Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
ttyl tear gas
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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