I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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