I want to make a zoo with you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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