Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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