pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
