I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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