I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
