New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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