You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
