Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
