Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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