she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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