Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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