dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
