Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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