what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
