We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
