how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
