Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
