she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm both gender and math confused
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
