i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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