Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
