She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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