Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Acid is not a monday night drug
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
