My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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