Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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