she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
