Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
