It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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