i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
