im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
