i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
