I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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