i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
