whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
