"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
