YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
