Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
