took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
