Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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