I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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