Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
