Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
