I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
