I never want to see another naked old woman again.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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