dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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