Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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