Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
