You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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