Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
