i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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