I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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