Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
